Dr. Meinheimer (2016)
Dr. Meinheimer 2016 was the ninth Dr. Meinheimer event, held on December 29, 2016. The show was highlighted by Dynamite Derek defending the World Heavyweight Championship against The Shark, Angle's Army taking on Nature's Boys to determine the #30 entrant in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match, and The Undertaker and Kane putting the World Tag Team Championship on the line against The Mullet Club. __TOC__ Background One of the biggest questions following This Is YouTube Poop pertained to why it was that Walter P. Wiley turned on his long-time ally Brock Lesnar and aligned himself with The Shark. Walter's answer was simple. When Brock failed to win the World Heavyweight Championship, he realized that his day in the sun was done and that The Shark was the was now the most destructive force in SvR06. Citing the survival of the fittest, Walter assumed the side of the big fish. But while the players have changed, the goal remains the same. Walter demanded, especially after the way that Brock Lesnar was decimated, that Dynamite Derek finally allow The Shark the opportunity at the World Heavyweight Title at Dr. Meinheimer. With Commissioner Barkley unable to appoint a guest assistant commissioner, the champion took the liberty of approving the challenge himself. Dynamite Derek has overcome insurmountable odds in the past, but a high-stakes match against The Shark could be more than just career suicide. During Kurt Angle's informal retirement from competing in SvR06, DEFAULT was the only person to come to the Olympic gold medalist's defense after he was interrupted by the unruly Mark Jindrak and Ric Flair. Naturally, when DEFAULT was faced with a two-on-one attack at This Is YouTube Poop, Angle was the one to come to his aid in return. Looking toward the future, Ric Flair announced that Mark Jindrak would be entering the Laugh Like Pee-wee match, guaranteeing himself a World Heavyweight Championship main event opportunity at Diaz's Fuck Fest and a backup plan in the form of the Money in the Bank briefcase. However, Kurt Angle had other ideas. Looking to go for the gold one last time, Angle suggested that the two of them have a wager. At Dr. Meinheimer, both sides would form teams. One team captained by Mark Jindrak and one by Kurt Angle. The winning team captain would receive the 30th entry in the upcoming Laugh Like Pee-wee match. On the other hand, the losing team's captain would be barred from competing in the 30-man contest. Considering that he's a client of Ric Flair's as well, Just Christian eagerly awaited the invitation to compete for Nature's Boys. With his first choice, Flair selected a member of Arrested Developmental's elite locker room with Charlie Haas. Once again, Just Christian assumed that he would round out the team, but was disappointed when the second choice was revealed as Shelton Benjamin. After much consideration, Angle and DEFAULT made a phone call to their third man. But rather than spoil the final member of Angle's Army for everyone, they opted to make it a bit of a late Christmas gift. With so much on the line, their final pick had better be ready to compete against one of the most well-polished Dr. Meinheimer teams in history. Following another victory over The Shithouses, The Mullet Club earned themselves an opportunity at the storied tag title reign of The Undertaker and Kane. Macho Man was unsuccessful in bringing the World Heavyweight Championship home to his team at This Is YouTube Poop, which lead him to realize that individually they were great. But together, they were unstoppable. With that in mind, all three individuals decided to add to the anarchy by challenging the World Tag Team Champions to a 3-on-2 tag team match with the titles on the line. The Undertaker was more than happy to oblige, citing an irregular lack of souls underneath the tree this year. Never before has one team of three simultaneously challenged for the World Tag Team Titles in SvR06 history. Regardless of the result, this bout is already one for the record books. Speaking of history, Sheamus added a new record to his resume by becoming the first two-time Intercontinental Champion in SvR06 as well as reestablishing himself once more as the United-continental Champion. Despite his massive feat, this did not impress Muhammad Hassan. America's ethnic watchdog cited this as just another example of a foreigner coming into the United States and taking a spot from a deserving American. In this case, that deserving American happened to be him. After months of pledging his loyalty to his nation, Hassan looked to solidify his patriotism by becoming the United States Championship and taking his country back. Sheamus accepted, but under one condition. If Hassan lost, he would have to leave the country he claims to love so much. Since his return, The Red Head has yet to taste defeat. His most recent victory was obtained over Chris Jericho, after the head games became too much for the leader of the Y2Justice movement. In his newest vlog, Jericho demanded that the objective Red Head issue a mandatory trigger warning before his matches because red is an incendiary color. If he fails to comply, Y2J threatened to rip the mask off of his stupid head whenever his team dismantles whatever farce of a tandem he could come up with at Dr. Meinheimer. The unnerved Jericho assembled Batista and Chance, comprising Jericho's Justice Warriors, to take on Red Head Redemption, featuring The Red Head, Big Show, and Wing. Y2J attempted to convince his teammates to wear the clothespins of Jericho (imploring them to clip them on, man) in order to show that they were true allies, but both individuals opted not to. For their sake, this lack of cohesion had better not act as a hindrance. Their opponents already have them seeing red, and that lack of focus can only go straight to their head. In his year as Cruiserweight Champion, Rey Mysterio has defeated a slew of opponents almost exclusively through nefarious means. From the smothering of Psicosis to the apparent kidnapping of Janosz Poha, Mysterio has managed to maintain a firm grasp on his title by any means necessary. But it was this recent victory that seemed to take things a step too far. With many feeling that Mysterio had somewhat coasted through his year as champion, it was decided that the typical open challenge would be opened up to a wider array of cruiserweight competitors. Confident as always and unashamed to admit it, Mysterio vowed to take on any cruiserweight that dared to challenge the biggest little man at Dr. Meinheimer. With this new spin on the open challenge, we could see any number of challengers appear to take a shot at the longest-tenured champion in SvR06 today. The question is, will Rey manage to deviously wriggle his way out of this situation as he has so many times before? Results As the world turned the page on a new year, so too did SvR06 as 2016 came to a spectacular close with a Dr. Meinheimer that had major implications on the landscape of 2017. Opening the event was Jericho’s Justice Warriors, featuring Chris Jericho, Batista, and Chance, taking on Red Head Redemption, comprised of The Red Head, Big Show, and Wing. Prior to the match, Big Show requested that this contest be made a Tables match so he could return the favor for the Batista Bomb he received through a table earlier this year. Jericho claimed that this was a macroaggression against he and his team, and vowed to place his opponents through tables as a form of protest. While Jericho’s team was successful in eliminating Wing, it wasn’t long before Y2J was left alone against the opposition of Big Show and The Red Head. As the momentum shifted in his favor, Jericho was suddenly plowed through a propped table by Red Head’s massive ally to bring the inaugural contest to an explosive end. Rey Mysterio’s Cruiserweight Championship Open Invitational was answered by a slew of cruiserweights, most whom the ever-enduring champion has yet to face with the gold up for grabs. Included were Chavo Guerrero, Daivari, Just Christian, Tajiri, and La Parka. Among those challengers, Daivari was especially nefarious. In fact, audience video clearly captured Mysterio being handed a foreign object by Daivari and stuffing it into his kneepad before delivering The 619 to Just Christian. Daivari’s convenient timing with which he chose to dispute his elimination with the official has led many to consider this yet another tainted title retention by Rey Mysterio. The Mullet Club, realizing that they were at their fullest potential as a trio, challenged The Undertaker and Kane for the coveted World Tag Team Championship. However, before the match could begin, Savage, Hall, and Steiner announced that an old school team like themselves could only trust an old school referee to call their matches properly. With that, The Mullet Club introduced Herb Hebner to officiate their championship bout. What they neglected to mention was that Herb Hebner, in his aging state, struggled with glaucoma in his left eye. Continuously throughout the match-up, the meticulous Mullet Club would take advantage of the rules by bashing The Undertaker with weaponry while out of the half-blind official’s range of vision. The vicious onslaught left The Deadman in a motionless state and Kane without the aid of the conveyor of his soul. In the end, The Mullet Club reigned supreme to become the first three-man unit to hold the World Tag Team Titles. The Undertaker, on the other hand, was unable to be resuscitated and Kane was left standing in despondent fashion. Yet there was almost a hint of restrained fury, like an ember waiting to erupt into an uncontrollable wildfire. After months of claiming that he would eradicate America of its ills, Muhammad Hassan finally received the opportunity to become the representative of his nation when he challenged Sheamus for the United States Championship. Per the circumstances agreed to prior to the match, Hassan would leave the United States if he was defeated by Sheamus. The unanticipated technical showcase reached its climax as Sheamus landed a massive Brogue Kick on Hassan during a vintage guardrail joust. Sheamus managed to roll back into the ring by the count of nine, but Hassan was eventually counted out. Sheamus retained the championship and Hassan will presumably be forced to leave the nation he claims to be the last line of defense for. With so much on the line, Nature’s Boys entered the ring prepared for almost anything that Angle’s Army could possibly throw at them. However, there’s no way they could have expected Kurt Angle and DEFAULT to recruit the partnership of The Rock. With the fiery spirit of Maui, the People’s Champion gained an early advantage on The Mark-Out Moment Maker with a devastating spinebuster and People’s Elbow combination. However, in yet another one of Jindrak’s patented moments, a distraction from Haas and Benjamin allowed Mr. Money in the Bank to catch Rock off guard with a low blow and a subsequent upset elimination. With arguably the biggest factor in the match removed in the early moments, things looked bleak for Angle’s Army. As Jindrak, Benjamin, and Haas continued to function as a well-oiled machine of athletic fortitude, DEFAULT mounted a massive comeback that saw him eliminate both members of the self-proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team in rapid succession. Despite a change in the tides, the glory was short-lived as Jindrak slipped back into the ring after an extended absence to take advantage of the battle-worn DEFAULT. With that, it came down to the two men that this exhilarating elimination match-up meant the most to. Jindrak planted Angle with the Mark-Out but failed to cover the Olympic Hero in time, while Angle clamped on an ankle lock that Jindrak managed to elude submission from. But the stalemate didn’t last, as Angle quickly applied a crossface chickenwing that left Jindrak with no choice but to tap out. With this victory, Angle has seized the #30 spot in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match while Jindrak will be forced to experience the over-the-top-rope contest in the video format of his choosing. Arguably no competitor has overcome more adversity to get to the top than Dynamite Derek. Yet after everything the World Heavyweight Champion had overcome, nothing could possibly compare to The Shark. With Walter P. Wiley in tow, the monstrous Shark left little room for The Dark Luminary to gain any offense. In a disgusting display, The Shark would eventually gnaw through the mask of Dynamite Derek and would continually bury his teeth into the open wounds of the defending champion. After flattening him in the center of the ring twice, The Shark went for the cover. As the referee mercifully attempted to administer the three count, the challenger raised Dynamite Derek’s shoulder to continue his assault. The Shark would proceed to cave in the hero’s chest two more times before fortunately going for the pinfall and championship victory. After dominating two of the absolute best in the business, one has to wonder if there’s anyone out there who can stop The Shark? Now that he’s the World Heavyweight Champion, 2017 looks to be the year of The Shark.